Tow #8 - The Other Mother (Stephanie Fairyington)

     In The Other Mother, Stephanie Fairyington shares her experiences being the lesbian mother who did not give birth to her child. She worries that she is not as important as her spouse or as her daughter’s anonymous father. As a journalist and writer for the New York Times, Fairyington’s ethos is automatic. Additionally, as she is describing her personal experiences, it is difficult to question her credibility. This enhances her purpose, which is to comfort prospective parents who do not share their child’s blood by proving their importance. For this reason, her chief audience is parents who did not or will not play a role in their child’s conception. One device Fairyington uses to advance her purpose is rhetorical questions. She has many concerns about not being blood-related to her daughter, and she summarizes them for the reader through these unanswered inquiries. She asks, “How much, I wondered, would her father’s absence define her?...In what ways would he show up in her mannerisms?” By including these questions in her essay, Fairyington helps validate the audience’s similar concerns. Another rhetorical device she uses is personal anecdotes. These stories help explain why concerned parents might feel the way they do. Fairyington recalls, “When Marty was born, the “congratulations” were almost always directed at Sabrina alone.” By sharing this memory from her daughter’s birth, Fairyington explains the circumstances that illuminate why she had misgivings about her connection to Marty. This comforts the readers, as it shows them they are not alone. Fairyington also employs the strategy of concession and refutation, in which she attempts to explain why society forces her to question her role in her daughter’s life. She explains, “Hit shows like...PBS’s “Finding Your Roots,” or popular genetic tests that trace biological lineage...also attest to our preoccupation with blood ties.” Although she recognizes the importance of blood ties, she later eases her reader’s minds when she describes how her personal concerns waned over time. Once Fairyington realized how important she was to her daughter’s daily well being, she worried less about how Marty would view her. The essay definitely accomplishes its purpose, because the personal experiences Fairyington describes successfully lift the audience’s spirits. In the end, she explains that it is more about being a parent to a child than being the parent to a child.